Non Socially Adjusted Catgirl

March 16th, 2024

Time: 1:25 am

Often I am stupid. Often I am foolish

I look upon the words I've said before, grimacing at my actions. So simple. I am simple at times. Yet is it wrong to live in simplicity? I am sometimes stupid. I am sometimes lazy. I am sometimes compliant.
I know its technically the 17th, happy patties to the Irish, but this is about the 16th.
Today I doomscrolled. I worked. I am giving a speech for class. I will speak like I am a guest at a wedding for my calico critters found in a thrift store. One naked.
I worked on biology today. It is late. I have no poignant thoughts on it. Genes and mutations. Genetically modified rice. Ask me another day, and I will tell you what I think about polyploids.
I had a notepad entry that contained the other diary entries I wrote. I am not sure where they are.
I ate the other half of my roti today. A large orange as well. It was dry towards the edges. My mouse kept dying so I had to constantly flick the switch to get the battery working. I opted to steal a battery from another mouse.
I was mostly alone today and exhausted. I wrote my ramble vaguely against "goonerism". I was very heated. However, this probably wouldn't happen if I was more on top of my medication and general quality of health. I am thinking about going to get checked out for endometriosis. I want my uterus removed. I don't want to have children. Sometimes I hope I will become unfertile. A smile curls on my lips at the idea. To be rid of this and all the burden. I have no interest in birthing...
I do not mind children. I like being an aunt. I will not divulge my child thoughts here and now.
My friends often praise and applaud me for my work, it makes me happy. Though I fear one day I will regress and disappoint. I like that my words can resonate and affect others. That's beautiful to me.
I am a procrastinator. Finals are soon. I need to finish my PCR lab in the morning. I am excited for spring break. I am addicted to mobile phone games again.
Am I a neet? I often question this. After the pandemic, I became a shut-in. I was already a basket case now I'm a willing recluse. High school was good only in the fact it forced me to interact with others. Not good because I came home carving myself every day.
I seem drab right now, I'm just very tired. I keep thinking about working. Academia. My GPA is a 4.9. I have no idea how that happened. I have imposter syndrome. It incentivizes me to be worse than I already am. Life for me is college and the internet. Drab. I find that academic numbers are my only worth, so I clutch to them tightly. I often seek validation. When I was a kid I was rewarded for being abnormally intelligent, then I was lauded for the same thing when I became a teenager. Be normal! Life isn't all about school! LOL. Now I'm almost 22 and I'm still looking for hugs and kisses for an A+ when there is some socially adjusted cocksucker out there living the time of their life. Fuck me!
The average meowsatingfleshcel is seething and raging over the socially adjusted chad who is overall content with the state of their life despite the hiccups.
I need my license. Though where is there to go in suburbia? I tried making friends on Bumble. Too many asks for target runs and gym buddies. No hate to that, that's what's up. I'm just not the one you are looking for. Why don't we go in my suspiciously warm room with poor ventilation and a guinea pig and chew the skin off our fingers while watching guinea pig YouTube videos. That is all I have to offer. I meow as well.
I'm not all bad I promise. Look at meows as a spectrum. One that uses exclamation points and the other that uses periods. Both valid. Just different experiences.
I thought about my kik roleplay boyfriend "Razor" who may have died. His last messages were ominous. I wonder what he is doing. What is the anime roleplay scene like today? Razor...what is Texas like? Wherever you are...
If there is anything I shall be remembered for, it's playing and having fun.

Time: 1:50 am